Wednesday, March 31, 2010

All I wanted was you

"What do you do when you live in a zoo?" I was asked that the other day. He said his mom said that all the time while he was growing up. It brought a smile to my face thinking of him, just as right now I am smiling thinking of him.
Why is it that I can't be with him right now? Timing.
My past two relationships have taught me that timing is everything.
If its not the right time then you just move forward and pray to God that the next time it will be. But God has his own plans, and if he says its not right then you just trust... and pray that through the pain of loss, loneliness and heartache you will one day fine true happiness and love.

Lately I realized I have been longing for some closure. I know i'll never get it. And I know things will never be like they are in your memory. Its hard when you realize that people move on and become happy and that happened before I was happy and moved on. And that kind of hurt a lot.

I realized that when it comes to figuring out what I want to do for a major I just need to focus on what brings me the most happiness, and honestly I am still not sure. But I am getting closer.

I know that I like who I am. I am who I am and I am not changing for anyone. I used to say,"well if he wants me to be like this, or act like this... i'll change." But I am who I am.
and I am not changing.

I need to do something therapeutic, like jump off a tall bridge into water, or color my hair... something to change it up. I am not the type of person who sits around with routine very well.
Routine frustrates me.

I just keep smiling.

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