Thursday, May 19, 2011

We all want our Happily Ever After

     I don't believe in the typical Fairy Tale. I don't believe in the whole distraught princess lives a lonesome terrible life until the handsome brave prince comes riding in on his beautiful white horse to whisk her away to her new joyous life of riches, fame and the simple promise of a "Happily Ever After." Some of you are probably asking yourselves why this seems so cynical for someone you know is getting married in 23 days. I will get to that, just hear me out.
      I will admit that as a child I fantasied what it would be like to be swept off my feet by prince charming and to have him carry me away to a place where I would never have to cry, work or feel pain again. Where there would only be happiness and his strong arms to hold me close. I imagined as I would scrub the old bay window in our kitchen what it would be like to be a princess. What it would be like to have someone to love me and to adore me.
     I searched high in low during high school and my first few years of college for this magical remedy to my sadness; my prince, that all the movies promised me and all the other hurt, depressed girls who felt alone and forgotten. I soon realized that there were many men who disguised themselves as princes only to leave you hurt and even more broken than you were. I learned about trusting someone and how sometimes that does not always work to your advantage. I learned that not every man is a prince... and that there are not many people with these promised "Happily Ever Afters." I learned that there are good men out there who could be a prince, but they just don't quite work well with you... so they are not your prince.
     One of the most important lessons I have learned is that there is not a prince here on this earth to rescue you from your trials. No one came whisking into my life to grant me a solution to all my sadness and woe. I waited and waited for someone to give me worth. For someone to make my pain go away and to make me feel like I was worth it. I was waiting for someone to convince me that I deserved love. No one could do that for me. Guys would come into my life, make me feel loved and special and than as soon as they would leave, let me down or disappear so did my self worth. So did my life it would seem. I realized that I am not waiting for my prince so that my life can begin, but rather I have to find out who I really am and then my life can begin.
     For each person the quest to find themselves is a very personal journey that can take a very long time. I realize now that my quest began long ago but became more effective for me when I moved out on my own about four years ago. I was forced to face life on my own in many ways and it felt like the weight of the world was trying to bring me down. I realize now that weight is what brought me up to what I am now. For me, I would never had figured out who I am with out my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. My knowledge that he knows me and loves me is what got me through all the thickest of the many thorny branches that blocked my path. When I had literally no one else to turn to I always could turn to him. And even though many nights I was unsure if he could hear my heart felt pleas for comfort I know now he was there every step that I took. He was my answer as cliche as it may be. It is real.
     I realized that I was not just some simple girl from some unknown california town. I was a daughter of a Heavenly Father who knows me personally. I realized that I have great potential with in me, as we all do. That I am not measured by what other people say or think of me but what I do and become. My strength is measured by how I can press forward and how I learn from mistakes. I realized that I do deserve happiness despite my past, struggles or trails.
     I realize this may not be how all people find themselves. I respect that. I just know that there is a God and that he loves all his children. That knowledge helped me out of my depression and sadness and that is what brought me to find myself. That knowledge is what will bring me my Happily Ever After.
     Becuase I learned who I was and how to like myself, when a dashing young man came along with a kind heart and pure intentions I was able to see him. I was able to let him in and let him love me. And I am able to love him with all of my heart. And becuase my life is no longer one huge mess of self pity I was able to let him in and not want to run away like I always have in the past looking for answers. I have answers now. Maybe not all of them, but we can figure out the rest together.
     I want you all to know that Eric is indeed my prince. And he is definitely more than I have ever dreamed of. He did not come in and save me from any untimely doom. He did not rescue me from all my sadness and despair. He sure did light up my life though. He has made it a billion times better. He did sweep me off my feet, I was not expecting to find someone as passionate, kind, intelligent, funny, determined, faithful and loyal as him. He has given me a kind of happiness that I have never known. He has taught me what it means to be loved and adored and for him I am very grateful. But I am not naive. I know that he has not saved me from all of the pain and torment of life. I know that there is still sadness in this world, but having him beside me will help me to face it all.
Eric is a strength to me. He is my best friend and he is what I have been waiting for. The Lord has rescued me. He has given me hope for a real Happily Ever After where I can be with Eric not just for this short time on earth, but forever. I look forward to that time. But till then I will have my (soon to be) husband by my side as we face the trials and hardships that life has in store. I don't promise that we will do it gracefully or even with out complaint (though I will try) but we will go through hand in hand.

LDS San Diego Temple 
So no, I don't believe in a typical fairy tale... But I do believe there is a Happily Ever After someday thanks to a loving God and hey... I am getting married in a castle.


To know more about my happiness and self discovery visit HERE.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


There are days that I feel so overwhelmed. I feel as if I am about to sink ... as if I am going to just wash away. It is so hard pleasing everyone... watching what I say, making sure not to offend anyone. It is so hard to go around living life. I feel so alone at times. I am so grateful to Eric. I don't know what I would do without him.
I am trying so hard everyday. I know that the Lord loves me. He is helping me through life and despite the hard times and the many tears I shed I know that each day is a new chance to be the best I can be.
I make mistakes. I wish I could erase them. But all I can do is fix it.
I am so stressed, I feel alone and that I have to face everything by myself... but I know that things are ok... and even though i don't think I deserve it... I am so happy to have Eric and his love.