Sunday, May 23, 2010

hit me with your best shot.

I really hate dreams.
They are horrible when you finally realize the happiness you are feeling is all in your head and that none of the past thirty minutes has been real.
Its a smack in the face every time.
I hate dreams.

I have to start catching on. Every time I dream I should start to realize this is too good to be true... this is too far fetched. But in a dream You don't realize that, until you are already so happy and involved in the dream... and then you just sit back for the let down. again and again.

sleep is supposed to be a nice escape from daily life, a time to rest and rejuvenate. and yet at times it feels like torture.

But I am strong.

Real life is not bad. I am quite happy with where I am at.
I am very happy actually...
I just don't need dreams.... to try and bring me back down.
I really like where I am.

I sound like I'm trying to convince myself.
But I'm not. I like where I am, I am just patiently waiting for the future.

How could I not like where I am...? I have such amazing blessings in my life.
Good friends, a major, a job, a great church that gives me hope and meaning.
Honestly... I am happy and I am no way complaining of my dreams in hopes to say my real life happiness is counterfeit. Becuase its not.
I simply say that my dreams are unnecessary and annoying.

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