Saturday, August 7, 2010

and there is so much you just don't know.

     I have found myself today, just wanting to get away. Just wanting to run or drive (or fly) to a beach or to the mountains where I can just hide away unharmed or bothered. I can read, think, write, sing... be free. I want to just get away, away from this. This everyday same old same old that repeats and repeats and drives me to believe that the only happiness I will ever find will be when my head hits my pillow at night.
     I have been trying to figure out where faith comes in. And I know where now. I know where it comes. It comes at times like this where I don't see the light. Where I can't see how taking this path will ever make me happy. But I push on with full trust. That is when my faith kicks in. That is where I let go of my doubts and my longing to control. Becuase I don't see how my future will work out. How my desires can ever be met. But I push on. I endure on.

"I tie my handle bars to the stars so I stay on track. "

I find myself in awe with the sky. Its endless and beautiful. Its holds so much mystery. The sky is so much greater than I may even hope to be and yet here I am, so important? so Significant? so they say... I feel so powerless.

I want to fly away. Away and be alone. Where not even you, yes you can find me. You who I don't know. You won't even find me. And I will sit and ponder the wonders of this earth and all that God has created. And when I'm done I will fly back home. Home. Home? I am not sure I know where that is. Where are you?

If you want to fly away with me, I may let you. Ask nicely. I am fragile.


  1. Dear JNell

    This made me cry. Really well written.

    Thank You.

    You're an amazing person.


  2. Janelle you are such an amazing person, you know that? I'm glad that our paths have crossed. You're awesome.

    <3 Nikki

  3. Lovely, Janelle. Just like you.

    And I like to think that I know you just a little bit. :)

  4. This was very artistic and evocative. I like the form and was touched by the message and the message's method. Thanks for sharing your uniqueness/creativity!