There are so many thoughts running through my brain and yet all that I can seem to grasp is one constant sentence, "I want to runaway."
Not to escape forever. Becuase I am not the type of girl to do that. But for a day or a week. I would like to go away. Alone. reconnect with myself. I wish I would have taken advantage of the times I spent alone. The moments when I had "Nothing to do".
Why did I complain about that so much and yet now I long for that.
I saw her again tonight you know. That girl. That girl I finally now know. She was crying again. She has not done that in a while. And her tears ran down the curves of her cheeks only to release that pain from her past that she keeps so hidden deep inside.
She didn't long for anyone though. She did not long for someone to come hold her and make all the pain disappear. She just cried. And as she cried she knew that it was through those tears she would learn and grow. She did not ask for the hurt to leave or the answers to be made more clear. Just for strength to move on. Happiness is promised to everyone in time. And its through our pain that we appreciate our happiness.
The damage began 8 years ago. That was the tragic break that started it all. Others have chipped away at her since. And now she is left with a shapeless speck that has nothing left to give.
Why do we take what does not belong to us? Why do we break what we cannot repair?
I just want you to know, Becuase I don't think you do...You left without even realizing what you were leaving.
My name is Janelle.
I suffer from depression. I have since I was 12. This blog is my outlet. My thoughts and ideas on how I handle everyday life. It is not a blog to have people feel sorry for me... actually most people I know don't know about this blog. This is just a place for me to express my thoughts in hopes that I can get better and be the best mom, wife, and friend that I can be.
Many people suffer from depression... maybe someone will read this things and learn something from me.
I am married to the most wonderful man I have ever met. It took me a while to find him, but he is worth everything i went through just to find him.
I am a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love my religion with all my heart.
I have a beautiful daughter whom I love dearly. She is my world.
I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and his eternal plan. I am so glad that I have this life. I have had many trials and many more are sure to come but God will help me all the way