Thursday, July 1, 2010

Times, they are a changing.

I feel that wind blowing through my hair again. Things are changing.
Which is good in so many ways, and yet bad.
My heart is one who holds the past dear. Even the past which has hurt and bruised me. Even the past where I have hurt and bruised myself.
But there comes a time when we all must move on and let go, and put trust in God.

Change is so scary.
I have felt uneasy lately, doubts of what I can handle have come through my mind. But I have been able to easily brush them off and smile. I know who I am, I know what I can do. Have you met me? You are missing out.
No really, I am good. And I just have faith that stupid heartache is just that stupid heartache. What matters is ME and my future.
I had such a great day. And its funny how one picture can bring you down, How one phone call from your mother saying she is dating that man she married long ago and that your brother sold some very expensive knifes that used to belong to your Dad... its funny how it can stab you in the heart.
But then I stopped and thought.
I can do better than that picture. I am better than that picture. There is a reason he is my past now. There is a reason its been over a month since we spoke. And it is a good reason. Don't forget or doubt that.
Than, I texted my mom and told her as long as she is dating that man I refuse to talk to her.
And I realize that my brother can sell my Dad's things and use the money for who knows what, but He can never sell my memories, and how much of my Dad is in me. Material things are unimportant in the grand scheme of it all. Plus I know I am making my Dad proud. I am in a good place, nothing can change that.
So yes, tears fell down my face for a minute only to be wiped away by the girl who knows she can do anything.
This is nothing.

Plus, I am getting out.
I keep telling myself, allow yourself to be happy. You deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be happy. I get to be happy.

Things never turn out like you may plan.
But that is what keeps life so exciting.

I just keep singing that song by Jimmy eat world... "Big Casino"
Pretty sure they wrote that about me. :)
"I am the one who gets away."
"They will say, all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice."
"I accept with poise, with grace as they draw my name from the lottery."
" my little part in something big."
"I am a success story"

want to hear the song?

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