It always comes right on back to you.

     There are so many thoughts running through my brain and yet all that I can seem to grasp is one constant sentence, "I want to runaway."
     Not to escape forever. Becuase I am not the type of girl to do that. But for a day or a week. I would like to go away. Alone. reconnect with myself. I wish I would have taken advantage of the times I spent alone. The moments when I had "Nothing to do".
Why did I complain about that so much and yet now I long for that.

     I saw her again tonight you know. That girl. That girl I finally now know. She was crying again. She has not done that in a while. And her tears ran down the curves of her cheeks only to release that pain from her past that she keeps so hidden deep inside.
     She didn't long for anyone though. She did not long for someone to come hold her and make all the pain disappear. She just cried. And as she cried she knew that it was through those tears she would learn and grow. She did not ask for the hurt to leave or the answers to be made more clear. Just for strength to move on. Happiness is promised to everyone in time. And its through our pain that we appreciate our happiness.

     The damage began 8 years ago. That was the tragic break that started it all. Others have chipped away at her since. And now she is left with a shapeless speck that has nothing left to give.
Why do we take what does not belong to us? Why do we break what we cannot repair?

I just want you to know, Becuase I don't think you do...You left without even realizing what you were leaving.

and when the timing is right, to sneak out into night

Yesterday was not a super fun day. I had school from 10am until 8:30pm.
I went to lunch with my friend who is getting married and that was wonderful. She is awesome and she lifted my spirits.
But my last class at 6 is philosophy. I got my mid term back and it was a B-. Not what I was expecting. I was disappointed. Then a bunch of other stuff occurred, and I became very depressed. I was sitting in my class holding back tears, I was so overwhelmed.
My friend in that class gave me a ride. He could tell I was upset and kept asking if I was ok. I couldn't talk about it. But it was really nice that he cared. It made me feel very loved.
I went home, sat on bed and collected myself.
I went downstairs and my roommates made me laugh, and smile so I started to feel better.
BUT what really made my night, was my dear friend came over, made me brownies and ice cream and helped me with my biology. He is the nicest guy alive. And he will probably never realize how what he did for me changed my entire night. He is awesome. I don't even think he knows. And when he meets the right girl, one worth the risk ha ha, he is going to be such a good boyfriend. I can tell. He is such a caring and awesome friend.

So, now I am off to work. I have wasted my day today. Tomorrow I will be better.

and I knew you could never forget me

     I am so grateful for the blessings that God gives me. Hands down, I don't recognize how much I really have enough.  And honestly, its terrible. I have a really awesome life.
I came home from a night of work to find that my roommate had cleaned and vacuumed my room. To some this may not sound like a big deal, but my room is well, the most disgusting place on earth. It must have taken her 4 hours, easy! But she would't tell me, she just smiled and apologized if things were out of place. She is amazing and wonderful. I am so blessed.
     And having the best roommate ever isn't my only blessing but it is one of them. I just was thinking tonight about how I don't recognize how much God does for me. I find myself complaining more often than not about things that I don't have, or I think I need. I don't take enough time to just smile and realize that my life is great. Things are under control. The Lord has a plan for me and he is aware of my situation.
     Sometimes its hard to put all your trust in God, and be confident that the best things will come in the future for you. I hate not knowing the future. These past few years that has been one of my many struggles; trusting God when I cannot see the future.

     I had a great day today. Work was busy but not bad. No one yelled too bad at me.(BAM ...blessing... see how many there are?!)
My room was magically cleaned.
This cute guy asked me to hang out, and I enjoyed myself. He probably won't call again, but still not bad.
I got most of my home work done.

     So yeah, there are days I cry and scream and complain that things suck and don't make sense. And there are times I want to yell and say I am alone. Life is not fair... But at those times, I need to realize that          I am ok. Things are not as bad as I think.
     I need to remember that.
     I some how always forget.