Its not really a surprise

 I have been feeling a lot happier lately. I owe that to my church attendance, reading scriptures and more positive outlook. I was having such a bad time. I kept loathing myself and finding silly things to freak out over and I was mad about things that are out of my control. But I am better now. I am breathing.

I started talking to some boy, because that is what you do as a single person right? I invested interest, and last night things got kind of dramatic because of miscommunications, (not either of our faults) but after wards him and I talked and it was nice to hear we are both on the same page about things.  BUT, (isn't there always a but)... He told me about this girl that he "used" to date, who He loved. He had wrote her on his mission. He is now talking to her still, and He told me how if the chance arose he would drop everything to date her. I do not judge him or blame him at all. ... I know the feeling all to well actually. Lucky for him he talks to his ex. He is still friends and there might actually be a chance with the person who he thinks is best for him.... anyways, my point; I don't want to date, invest time and energy in someone, who is in love with someone else. Who holds some one else in high esteem and I can never be that person ( and i must note that I don't even know him so I don't know If I would even want to be... but just saying).

Any ways, I still also hold new relationships, new meetings of males, to my past relationship. I am looking for something like what I felt with my ex. Is that bad? I don't think so. I am not holding on to my ex. I am not in love with him still. I just appreciate what we had and I know I want something like that some day. 

(The only bitterness I have is that he never told me what I did, he just left. Never spoke to me. Broke all his promises and didn't want to give me a chance to change or be forgiven for hurting him. ) ...OH hahaha... none of that matters. All that matters is that I have learned a great deal from all this. 

Why is dating so important around here? I am really happy alone. I know the right guy will come along in time. and until then... some one PLEASE help me choose a major!

I did a short skit in my theatre class today and realized how much I miss acting....

SO MUCH.

Who knows If I will follow that feeling. But That right now is what I am focusing on... ME. WHAT DO I WANT?  .... I have no idea.....      ok Janelle.... time to find out. :)

and I knew you could never forget me

     I am so grateful for the blessings that God gives me. Hands down, I don't recognize how much I really have enough.  And honestly, its terrible. I have a really awesome life.
I came home from a night of work to find that my roommate had cleaned and vacuumed my room. To some this may not sound like a big deal, but my room is well, the most disgusting place on earth. It must have taken her 4 hours, easy! But she would't tell me, she just smiled and apologized if things were out of place. She is amazing and wonderful. I am so blessed.
     And having the best roommate ever isn't my only blessing but it is one of them. I just was thinking tonight about how I don't recognize how much God does for me. I find myself complaining more often than not about things that I don't have, or I think I need. I don't take enough time to just smile and realize that my life is great. Things are under control. The Lord has a plan for me and he is aware of my situation.
     Sometimes its hard to put all your trust in God, and be confident that the best things will come in the future for you. I hate not knowing the future. These past few years that has been one of my many struggles; trusting God when I cannot see the future.

     I had a great day today. Work was busy but not bad. No one yelled too bad at me.(BAM ...blessing... see how many there are?!)
My room was magically cleaned.
This cute guy asked me to hang out, and I enjoyed myself. He probably won't call again, but still not bad.
I got most of my home work done.

     So yeah, there are days I cry and scream and complain that things suck and don't make sense. And there are times I want to yell and say I am alone. Life is not fair... But at those times, I need to realize that          I am ok. Things are not as bad as I think.
     I need to remember that.
     I some how always forget.