Stop what you cannot control

I spent my day at rock canyon elementary school where I hung out in kindergarten for 3 hours and fourth grade for 2 and a half.
I went on a teddy bear picnic and learned that who ever made that horrible song (you tube the teddy bears picnic to be clued in for this one folks)... obviously knew how to write one heck of a song. I came home immediately and sang it to my roommate who probably now thinks I am crazy... ( I am).
Also... kindergartners in utah are very much more advanced than my classmates and I were at their age. They are reading books.. some even chapter books. I was so impressed.
Music class though was a little interesting. The kids ran around singing to each other as they played certain games... AND for five year olds they all sang pretty good... especially the brave ones that had to sing solos at times.
Fourth graders are also a lot of fun. I have a special place in my heart for the 4th grade. I loved my teacher in 4th grade, Mrs. Jacobs. 
The lady I observed today was awesome. Her kids put on puppet shows which were so amazing and well done... and some kids sang queen which made me smile.
I then watched as she taught them about ART! YES ART! and real artists. They painted a flower today just like who class? and they raised their little hands and squealed as they answered "Okeefe!". yes very good class. Remember we learned about her in AUGUST! And they had paintings on the wall after Chagall and writing on the board said they had discussed Picasso. I was so impressed and pleased.
Yes... today was an awesome day and I can't wait to be a teacher.



I am so happy to have a goal in life. A direction.




I hate to admit it but it needs to be done... my thoughts always come back to you. and I feel so stuck, in a place I don't want to be, holding on to nothing but dreams and disillusioned memories that I made up to be something that they never were.
You live a life in which I do not exist and never will.
I don't understand why Its not that easy for me.
I try so hard.
Everyone thinks I want to feel like this.

I live for myself, and for God.
Everything is good.
I like where I am at.
...for the most part.

Social. As. I. Get.

     I Love days like today. It is sunny and I am wearing a short sleeved shirt... My spirits are high and nothing can seem to get me down. Spring break starts tomorrow and my biology class is canceled due to that. So I am in the library at UVU waiting for my "study buddy" to get here to finish our test.
     I took a career placement test today and I meet with someone next week to talk about the results. I am pleased with that. I need to figure out some type of road map for my life.
     There is a big hill on campus that is quite steep. My theatre friends and myself took to sliding down it today after class. The bottom is very close to the street and some cars would slow down or stop becuase they were afraid of running our free falling flailing bodies over.
It was awesome and when I upload the pictures, maybe I will post some on here.
     Even with all the stress that the end of the semester is closer than I realize, I am genuinely happy and have a smile on my face. I am ready for the winter to end. I am ready for a new chapter in my life and for some reason spring seems to represent a new chapter, a new life, a new beginning for me.
     I have come so far from last year at this time. I am so much more comfortable with myself and pleased with where I am and where I am going.

Its not really a surprise

 I have been feeling a lot happier lately. I owe that to my church attendance, reading scriptures and more positive outlook. I was having such a bad time. I kept loathing myself and finding silly things to freak out over and I was mad about things that are out of my control. But I am better now. I am breathing.

I started talking to some boy, because that is what you do as a single person right? I invested interest, and last night things got kind of dramatic because of miscommunications, (not either of our faults) but after wards him and I talked and it was nice to hear we are both on the same page about things.  BUT, (isn't there always a but)... He told me about this girl that he "used" to date, who He loved. He had wrote her on his mission. He is now talking to her still, and He told me how if the chance arose he would drop everything to date her. I do not judge him or blame him at all. ... I know the feeling all to well actually. Lucky for him he talks to his ex. He is still friends and there might actually be a chance with the person who he thinks is best for him.... anyways, my point; I don't want to date, invest time and energy in someone, who is in love with someone else. Who holds some one else in high esteem and I can never be that person ( and i must note that I don't even know him so I don't know If I would even want to be... but just saying).

Any ways, I still also hold new relationships, new meetings of males, to my past relationship. I am looking for something like what I felt with my ex. Is that bad? I don't think so. I am not holding on to my ex. I am not in love with him still. I just appreciate what we had and I know I want something like that some day. 

(The only bitterness I have is that he never told me what I did, he just left. Never spoke to me. Broke all his promises and didn't want to give me a chance to change or be forgiven for hurting him. ) ...OH hahaha... none of that matters. All that matters is that I have learned a great deal from all this. 

Why is dating so important around here? I am really happy alone. I know the right guy will come along in time. and until then... some one PLEASE help me choose a major!

I did a short skit in my theatre class today and realized how much I miss acting....

SO MUCH.

Who knows If I will follow that feeling. But That right now is what I am focusing on... ME. WHAT DO I WANT?  .... I have no idea.....      ok Janelle.... time to find out. :)